What’s Right vs. What’s Real—And Why It Matters Now
A little more than a week ago, I turned 71.
I love birthdays and, with Frank’s the day before mine, it’s always an opportunity to stretch more deeply into the energy of celebration.
Celebration is a major theme for me. If you’ve read my posts on the art of celebration, you’ll know that it’s a magical resonance.
A life of celebration is a life where we honor ourselves, our loved ones, our planet, and our faith.
At its core, celebration is about honoring. A life of celebration is a life where we honor ourselves, our loved ones, our planet, and our faith. But what does it mean to honor Self on a daily basis?
One of the most useful practices I know is pausing to ask not what is right, but what is real.
A Word About “Right”
Before I go further, let me make an important distinction.
I’m not talking about right versus wrong. Our moral compass that orients us toward justice, integrity, and care for one another is essential. When we look to our conscience and ask Is this the right thing to do?, we are aligning ourselves with our higher nature.
That obligatory right, the sensible right, can quietly anchor us in the old paradigm of demand, dressed up as reason.
What I’m exploring here is something different. It’s the tendency many of us have to look for the correct answer when making choices. At these times, we seek out the logical sequence, the so-called responsible path, the option that checks the most boxes.
Seeking this type of “right” is an externally focused compass, and rarely leads us home. It’s often the ego voice asking: Does this make sense? Can I justify it? Will it look right to others?
That obligatory right, the sensible right, can quietly anchor us in the old paradigm of demand, dressed up as reason. And often, we don’t even realize it.
The Afternoon Everything Felt Heavy
Many years ago (in 2003!), I drove up to visit Jeanine in Nevada City so we could plan our calendar of workshops for the year ahead. We approached it methodically. We mapped the sequence, considered which courses would feed others and what timing would work for our potential students. On paper, it looked great.
Yet when we finished, we both just… sat there.
There was no energy in the room. No excitement. Just a flat, heavy sense of obligation, as if we’d planned a year of work we’d have to endure rather than a year of work we’d chosen. The plan was right. The sequence made sense. And it felt completely lifeless.
“This makes me want to take a nap,” I said, falling back dramatically on the guest room bed.
“OK! Let’s forget this plan for the moment,” Jeanine suggested. “Let’s think about what would be incredibly FUN to do next year.”
With permission to dream, an image filled my imagination.
“What I really want is to take people somewhere breathtakingly beautiful, like a Four Seasons resort. I’d love to do a sacred retreat and create a life-changing experience for people.”
With genuine desire as the anchor, everything else fell into place. Not because it made sense, but because it was a real dream.
Suddenly, the room changed. We started dreaming about Punta Mita, Mexico. Of torch-lit rituals on the beach, circling up with our community for meaningful conversations and coaching, and laughing together on balmy nights by the pool. The energy was unmistakable. Alive. Real.
With genuine desire as the anchor, everything else fell into place. Not because it made sense, but because it was a real dream. Once the logistics were in place, we sent ONE email to our community and the retreat sold out by the end of the day.
That moment still lives in me as a turning point in my life, and in the trajectory of Lucid Living.
The New Compass
In the world we are crossing into, I believe what is real is a more reliable compass than what is right.
This doesn’t mean we abandon reason or stop thinking carefully about our choices. It means we add something essential: the felt sense of aliveness. The body’s quiet yes. The pure adult desire that, when you imagine it, makes you lean forward instead of back. A wanting so honest it awakens passion.
It can feel scary to trust raw desire when it doesn’t align with the “reasonable” choice. The old paradigm trained us to distrust that signal, to override it in favor of logic, obligation, what seems most defensible. The new paradigm asks us to honor it. To treat our genuine preferences not as indulgences but as information. As a substantive form of intelligence.
Asking what’s real moves us to the heart of the R.E.A.L. framework.
Asking what’s real moves us to the heart of the R.E.A.L. framework. Emotional Authenticity isn’t just about processing feelings, it’s about trusting our vulnerability as important data. When something feels heavy, that’s data. When something makes you feel suddenly, unexpectedly alive, that’s data too. Often, the most important data in the room.
You don’t have to wait until you’re 71 to trust it.
Lucid Moment: Ask what’s real, not just what’s right.
The next time you face a decision, whether small or large, try this. After you’ve thought it through, after you’ve considered the sensible options, pause and ask: What is real for me here? What actually lights me up? What would I choose if I gave myself full permission?
Notice what stirs. Notice what goes flat. You don’t have to act on it immediately. Just practice listening to the signal.
The new world is being built by people who have learned to trust their own aliveness. That trust is cultivated, one choice at a time, and leads to a life that sparkles with fulfillment.
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